i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
