All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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