no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize