i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize
