Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
