Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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