Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
a search helicopter?!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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