I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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