don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
