Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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