I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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