that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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