Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
