Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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