I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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