Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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