Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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