Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
