you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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