Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
