Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
