Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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