Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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