"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
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I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
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My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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