i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need to calm my uterus...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
