Kareoke will never be a sober sport
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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