No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
