This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
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Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
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Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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