oh god the rape fog is back!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
