one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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