Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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