So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
