Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
