Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
