I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
