I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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