Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
