In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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