Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
