the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
