I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
