I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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