You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
