Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I party with great urgency now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
