OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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