I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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