All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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