I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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