fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
how does that bad decision feel?
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