and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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