Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She even gives head with a lisp.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
