Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
