Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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