if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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