and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
