Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
