Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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