if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
