Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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