just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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